I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
