I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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