My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
one might say we're banned from that church
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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