he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
