omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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