we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
