she was so not down for the gang bang
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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