is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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