he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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