During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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