I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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