she looked like the before picture.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
