i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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