Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
