If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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