Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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