2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
