i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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