Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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