yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize