so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
