you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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