id be glad to
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
