i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Girls should come with a carfax report
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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