My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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