I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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