I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
