Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize