from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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