i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
