she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
