In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
