so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
