You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
