I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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