Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
