I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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