well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
