So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
