I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The Olympian is in my bed
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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