He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
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