so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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