she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I didn't notice because vodka
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
