she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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