My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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