Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
