the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
