she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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