i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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