Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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