I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
After tacos, we're chasing women.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
