DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
