saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
