thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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