he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Vodka?
Forever.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
