can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I need to align my fucking chakras
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
