Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
