end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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