Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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