I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
