I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
