dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
