So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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