there's paper in my vomit.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
