1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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