Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I think i got beer on your cat.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
