dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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